Ready, Or Not?

The other night, after staying up way too late, frustrated with the creation of emotions, an epiphany came to mind. Well, I feel like "epiphany" is too philosophical of a word for this particular situation, but bear with me while I do a little bit of a background explanation.

I am in love with love, itself. And no, this doesn't mean that I can't stand being alone; it's feeling lonely which is my issue. This doesn't mean that I go from relationship to relationship, only savoring the Honeymoon Phase. DEFINITELY NOT. This simply means that I can't (but I can) wait for the love that is meant for me. I look forward to feeling on-top-of-the-world-in love with someone, whoever that may end up being.

But deep down I know that when it comes to deciding if I'm truly ready to welcome new love in, with its own key and room to reside within me, I have to trust my gut. A few weeks ago, I was briefly involved with someone but only for a matter of two nights and two days. There's a lot more of a backstory behind this but I'm going to go ahead and save it for another time; that's a whole other novel of a blog in itself. But those two days, after the night it was made even remotely official, were filled with anxiety.

Now here's a little life lesson: that means that IT IS NOT RIGHT FOR YOU. When all it brings is constant self consciousness, overthinking, and worry over the situation itself, take that as a hint to put on your big kid pants and get out. Trust. Me. It sucked having to admit to myself that something I had wanted for so long, didn't even exist in this person anymore. For one, this is not by any fault of his whatsoever; people change, it's a part of life, no biggie.

Ever since then, a couple opportunities had come and gone for something new, but neither of them had completely felt right for me. The last opportunity was quickly erased from my radar after I had realized my feelings were severely difficult to read, and a single thought came to mind: What if God is trying to tell me I'm not ready?

Everything suddenly made sense, in that one split moment, I was sure of myself. I felt completely validated in my feelings, glad to have finally come up with an answer. I was especially happy with the fact that I didn't feel "broken" for my lack of an ability to return feelings to someone; it simply meant that it wasn't meant to be anyway. Of course, I know what it feels like to have true feelings for someone that make you giddy beyond reason, with tingles flying through every nerve in your body. And luckily now, I also know what it feels like when something isn't right for me, when I don't have the same feelings someone may have for me.

Try to avoid the trap of lying to yourself. It is in your own best interest if you trust your feelings rather than discounting them. Yes, it you will have tough decisions to make when needing to let someone go that you don't love, or letting go of someone who doesn't love you right. Listen to your heart; listen to what it has to say. It knows you best.