The Adventures In Self-Dates

We all know of the societal expectation to go on dates, though they are never as cliche as the movies, and they never develop that easy; at least at first they don't. It's easy to make-believe future dates, with the perfect partner - at least as perfect as they could be, cause ya know, perfection is a societal construct that we'll never succeed in reaching.

As I've mentioned in past blogs, I got out of a long relationship almost three months. It's hard for me to believe that it's already been that long, but at the same time it feels like an eternity. As weird as it sounds, this is the longest I've been single since before my first relationship; before the previous one, there's was only about a one-month gap. It's been a major growing experience for me, through learning how to accept what is, and trying not to get stuck in my own head. Right now, I'm truly the best I've been. I'm learning to be strong in myself, and comfortable with being on my own; alone but not lonely, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

After my breakup, I felt incredibly energized for the good that has just recently arrived, though it didn't last too long since everything hit me full swing a few times over. But I decided to take myself on a lunch date. Of course, I have yet to get my license - I'm trying!! - so a friend was nice enough to give me a ride.

I went out for Chinese after school, with a book in my bag ready to open. I was seated, and because they're primarily buffet, I was able to get food right away. From there I obviously ate, and read for almost an hour it felt like.

I felt incredibly independent. Sitting in my own booth, in my own space. Minding my own business with casual glances around the restaurant. Reading a page then taking a bite; savoring my pork fried rice, while I chewed on every word in my mind as my eyes crossed the pages.

There's a sort of giddiness that fills you up when you sit there, doing your own things at your own pace, no where to be at a given moment.

Yesterday, I was making my way around town, stopping by the bookstore, as well as various shops to see who's hiring. After being productive, I walked to the local Chinese restaurant. . . again.

I felt vulnerable, and nervous to be contrary to anyone who may have been there, but with company. For me, I was my own, but isn't it true to say that you are your best company you could have? You have you for your entire life, in permanence. Of course, loving the cliche, I wrote on a napkin hastily, as I waited on the waiter to return with my card and receipt; I wanted to have my thought written out before he could come back and possibly give me a bewildered look - my timing was bad, but he left right after setting the tiny black tray on the table.

"What excuse is there,

to not take your reflection out?

You are the best date you'll ever have.

You know you already.

Feel alive. Feel free."

Try not to forget that you've got you to take care of through all the chaos of your everyday life. Even the smallest gestures of self care can make the biggest difference to your mood. Trust me: going out by yourself can be intimidating, but the reward is worth it. It can also help you to overcome social anxiety, which I say from my own personal experience.

I hope that this blog has been helpful. Have a good night readers!