My Little Library In A Cardboard Box

Finally, after roughly twelve years of split-family living, I finally get to say I'll be planting my feet in one place for a while.

I've had to go through schedules between my parents which was confusing as hell at times, but we always figured out how to make it work. Although, this was easier when my parents lived in the same city.

Around Sophomore year of high school, my dad made the move to Independence, a city northwest of my hometown of Albany with my now step-mom, step-brother, and of course myself. This brought a question in the air of whether or not I would be staying in my hometown, or moving permanently. We decided for a split down the middle: I would be staying in Albany with my mom on the weekdays for school, and would go to Independence MOST weekends with my dad.

Now that I'm finally graduated from high school, I can actually make decisions for myself without school being on my mind. Now, I'm working through slowly moving to Independence, to being more independent in myself. The irony of that statement.

After having my first job with two day-per week shifts, I'm now in search of a full time job to get my foot in the door. Unlike many of my fellow graduates, I won't be going to school this Fall. Many pieces ended up falling into place in talks of financial aid, and getting accepted to a good community college, but the only piece missing was my mental health. Not to say that I have no mental capacity for anything, but this was the most challenging year of my life so far.

I realize, as I'm writing this, that I've drifted off course from the title I've given this blog. With that being said, I'll get to the point : throughout everything that I've gone through in the past year, poetry has become a major outlet for me. With every paycheck, I've taken the chance to treat myself by buying books from some of my favorite poets.

The first two books in this row, are whiskey words & a shovel i and ii by poet r.h. Sin. His writing is free verse, with every 5x6 inch page printed with typewriter font wisdom. Feminism, heartbreak-advice, and blunt force truths bleed through his words. Currently, I'm waiting to receive four of his books in the mail; I may or may not have gone on a book blitz since lately, he's released a few brand new books for discount prices that I am sooo not missing out on. At the end of this blog, I will leave the names of his books, and his Instagram account. I also suggest you follow his wife, Samantha King Holmes who has written a book titled Born To Love, Cursed To Feel which I plan on purchasing soon. They both just released a book called We Hope This Reaches You In Time which, according to the Amazon app, will arrive by 8:00pm this evening.

The third book from the left is called HER by Pierre Alex Jeanty. He writes of the way women are harmed by heartbreak, and those who bring it about. He writes of the beautiful women we meet throughout our short lives on earth, and how special they are. Soon, he will be coming out with a new release called HIM which I believe will be following the same concept. Down below I will leave a list of his books and social media info.

The next book is another beautiful compilation written by Instagram poet, Atticus. This book is called Love Her Wild, which contains three separate parts, each word being taken from the title to be separated within their own subjects as you leaf through the pages. He describes his own feelings of love, the "her" in his life, and how wild love is, especially with the right person. According to his Instagram, in a few months he will be releasing The Dark Between Stars, which he says "starts where Love Her Wild left off." As I've said with the previous short reviews, I will leave his social media down below. Hell, so I don't have to continue repeating it, I'll being doing this with every poet I reference in this blog. Now onto the next one.

Now the tiny spine between Love Her Wild and the five Button Poetry books, is called The Poetic Underground by Erin Hanson. I discovered her poetry frequently when I would surf through Pinterest, which was also the case with r.h. Sin. If I'm informed correctly, she based her work out of Tumblr which was named thepoeticunderground, her Instagram also sharing the same name. Unlike the majority of the poetry in my collection, her poetry is not free verse and rhymes traditionally. This book is one of three in a series, and I plan to buy the other two soon! She writes from the perspective of being a woman in society, feeling broken at times, fighting the demons in your head, and growing up. I've found that I can relate to her poetry almost word for word, and I highly recommend her to young girls and women in general. She is definitely a role model in my eyes.

Now onto that giant chunk in the middle! Much of my poetry collection has been from a publishing company called Button Poetry, which I've bought five books from... aaaaand also gotten a tattoo inspired by their logo. Totally not obsessed, simply appreciative of the voices and poets they promote. These fives books are Depression and Other Magic Tricks by Sabrina Benaim, New American Best Friend by Olivia Gatwood, Helium by Rudy Francisco, Our Numbered Days by Neil Hilborn, and The Future which is also by Neil Hilborn. Now I've read four of the five front to back the odd one out being Helium because I just recently bought it. Sabrina and Neil's books have been a source of comfort for me due to the fact that they write a lot about mental illness, which I can connect strongly with. Reading their work makes me feel not so alone in my loneliest moments. In a way, I paid tribute to Neil at my high school graduation, by decorating my cap with a quotation from his poem The Future (his second book shares the same name). This particular poem kept me going in the last couple months of high school, and I thank him for that unconditionally. The quotation goes :

"I know tomorrow is going to come because I've seen it. Sunrise is going to come, all you have to do is wake up. The future has been at war but it's coming home so soon; the future is the map and the treasure; the future looks like a child in a cape; the future is just like gravity: everyone is slowly drifting towards everyone else, we are all going to be apart of each other one day; the future is a blue sky and a full tank of gas. I saw the future, I did, and in it I was alive."

When it comes to Olivia Gatwood, with poems like "Ode to My Bitch Face" and "Jordan Convinced Me That Pads Are Disgusting" (unapologetically explicit), Olivia uses this book to voice her outspoken views and experiences in womanhood, the lives of America's youth, and topics many are too afraid to talk about so openly. She is both empowering and brutally honest in her composition of work. From the poems I've heard and read so far from Rudy Francisco, he laces his words with emotion, especially in his performances. There's hope which seeps through his good humor, and ironies. I look forward to finishing reading his book.

Now for the last two books in the collection: neither are of poetry but I figure I shouldn't look them over. The first is called Turtles All The Way Down by John Green, then there is Starting Your Day Right/Ending Your Day Right by Joyce Meyer. Though I haven't gotten to finish the last few chapters of TATWD yet, seems how I start new books before I can finish other ones, it is one that I've been able to connect with due to John Green's accuracy in representing the mind of someone with anxiety, and also OCD. Although, I don't have OCD I do suffer from the former. It has definitely been an experience getting to read it, being able to find solace in a book where I know someone understands how I feel.

The last book, Starting/Ending Your Day Right is a Christian devotional which I haven't consistently been able to start but I plan to. I identify as a Christian, but it's been incredibly hard for me to dedicate myself to studying God's word, and my mom suggested starting with this devotional. It's been said that if you do something for 21-days straight, it becomes a habit; hopefully, I can make a habit out of studying my Bible, these devotionals, as well as writing my blogs consistently, and following through with my plans for this blog.

With all of this being said, you've now had a glimpse of the tiny little library I have, in my nook of a room. Well, a nook in a garage. In this small of a space, I can learn to live simply, without the clutter of materialistic things; of course, for future reference, this comes with the exception of books. You can never have too many books. As I make this small space more my own, there will be various modifications to account for other essentials. But for now, with the lamp sitting on its own cardboard box, my cat sleeping by me as I type, and my mind running wild with hope for the near future, I will write. I will write about the things that have been as I move on from them, about the present tense, and about the things I can only dream about. The sites I have yet to see outside of beloved films, and Pinterest photos; the food I have yet to taste despite my disposition of being a picky eater; the memories I have yet to experience; the love I have yet to feel anew.

In the coming weeks, I hope to be much more consistent in my blogging, and I will be writing my own thoughts on these books I mentioned, just more in-depth individually. I also hope to blog more about my own poetry, to share with you guys what I like to call "my heart's diary." I hope you all have a lovely day, afternoon, evening, and/or night.

- Sav

Update : We Hope This Reaches You In Time came in the mail at about 12:30pm, the Amazon app notifying me at about 1:15pm. Grabbed it, and posted a photo of it on my Instagram (@thesavvywriter), also tagging Sin and Samantha in the process. Next thing I know, I get a notification that Samantha saw the post and liked it! Made. My. Day!